Sunday, October 26, 2008


Well this one is about my family x_x

And this one will have quite a few songs for it, one for each member of my family.

First is Mom v_^ (Scar Tissue)

Gotta love the ol' woman. She's put up with all of us kids and our shit for almost 30 years. She's a friend, a mother, a grandmother, and just a great person. Wouldnt be where I'm at today if it wasnt for her, and others. Her "No Bullshit" attitude, adopted from her mother, is probably the reason that us kids are as strong as we are mentally. She supported our individuality and our growth as a person, and I dont think we'll ever be able to repay her for that. She endured alot of pain and tragedy and just overall bad things in her life and that has made her the strong person she is today. Love ya mom! ^___^

Then Lynn X_X (Montagne Sainte Genevieve)

Crazy. Thats all I can say about Lynn. But seriously, Lynn is a good person. Abit....psychotic? sometimes, but no worse than the rest of us. I'm glad that my dad finally has someone in his life that makes him happy and that he can call his own, and I'm glad she was the one he chose. I'll admit, in my younger years I had abit of a distaste for Lynn because of how quickly my dad left and what not, but he deserved to be happy and no longer be lonely. And I'm glad that he's not lonely anymore. Lynn, be good to my dad, he really likes you and I do too. Love ya Lynn

Then Dad/Mack =P (Sultans Of Swing)

And then Mack. Lol, gotta love the crazy ol' dude. He's, like mom, put up with all of us kids' shit for a very long time. He's a huge part of this family, and even though sometimes him and mom, and him and us kids, have butted heads and had our differences. He's been there. We all make mistakes, and we all dig ourselves into holes that are hard to get out of but we've made it through, rather comfortably I might add. Moose sure liked him, and he sure liked moose. Buddies forever ^__^. He's brought a different culture and style into our lives and we should be deeply grateful like that. Lol its because of him that we know how to correctly pronounce "Y'all". I'm glad to have someone like Mack in our family. I'm glad to be able to say I've been to places, and seen things in the country that alot of people dont have the opportunity of seeing. I'm glad to say that I correctly know how to operate a semi and have both a physical, and a blood connection to that lifestyle. Maybe something I could get into at some point. Decent money and not a horrible lifestyle. Love ya Dad.

Then Dad/Bob O_O (Summer Breeze)

Then Bob. Love this old man with all my heart. Will always have the memories of my childhood with him. "Dots", and "Prairie" and "Desert", and "No one can tell us what to do". I understand his wanting to hold on to me being a little boy, being his little buddy all to well. Cause I want to hold onto him being my big ol' hero. Still is, and I'm sorry that sometimes I dont show it. I wouldnt change a thing about whats happened, and I'm glad you've got someone who makes you happy, cause by you being happy, I'm happy. I cant begin to repay the things you've done for me, but I sure hope I make you proud. Will always remember watching "The Lair Of The Lummox" with you. I deeply enjoy our chats during our trips. I still laugh when I think about your uncertainty at my driving skills. Just remember, I got them from you ^__^. Love ya Dad.

Then Chandell <_> (Das Modell)

You are, and will always be one of the most insane people I know Chandell. but I love you to death. I appreciate your support and help and just you being there for me. I even appreciate your offset way of looking at my mentality. I'm not insane by any means, nor am I suicidal or depressed. Just remember that you're brother is the little boy you and castle taught when I was very little. I'll always love being your 'little' brother. Even though the only thing little about it is the fact that I'm the baby of the family. I love the fact that the girl I decide to be with, first has to get through you and Castle. And I wouldnt have it any other way. Its my filter, my way of weeding out the ones who seem to fit, but I cannot be sure. Love ya Chandell

Then Castle ^__^ (Californication)

Music. Thats what I think about when I think about Castle. This girls life is music. And with good reason. If anyone could describe the voice of a Syren, they had better be talking about Castle. One of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard, and one of the most talented vocalists I've ever heard. She has a great taste in music, and is probably the reason I listen to certain styles of music. I would imagine the reason that I can even match tone and key in voice, is because of you. We learn by watching others, listening to others. I listened to you sing for a long time Castle, and by that I learned how it should sound when voice and key harmonize. How it should sound when a person is truely singing in key. But besides that. Castle is a very unique person. Spend a week with Castle and truely understanding who she is, and you will see why the statement "Beauty is only skin deep" is true to its very core. This is a brotherly opinion, so it is abit biased, but true none the less. Castle is beautiful. Shes not a toothpick model who's losing her hair because she purges herself to fit some sort of society defined version of beauty. Castle is physically and mentally a beautiful person. I think of Castle and I think of the opera singers who not only put their heart and soul into the powerful voices they have. But who are so beautiful when they do it that you cannot keep your eyes off them. I love you Castle.

Then Me O_o (Gabrielle, Gothic Girl)

First off, I put two songs simply because they all describe a part of me.

Gabrielle, a very dark but absolutely beautiful song. Describes a philosophy I deeply believe. There is beauty in both light and darkness. So many people have a fear and dislike of the darkness because they feel it holds something that they cannot see, or understand. The problem with that is that they would see it instantly and understand, there is beauty in Darkness. The night was not created by God to be a thing of fear. The moon is a beautiful thing, something we can actually stare at without giving ourselves laser eye surgery in the process. It is the polar opposite of what we experience during the day. Busyness, running, heat. The Moon represents serenity, calm, and a feeling of peace. The day isnt peaceful, we're all running around everywhere, so caught up in our own lives and life itself, that we dont take the time to feel peace. We cant, we're too busy. The day, people are grumpy and rude and that is the time that we are all stuck together.

Gothic Girl, an odd song to pick but it too describes something about me. The song itself is very soft, but the vocals are dark and kind of beastly. Most of society looks at people who are like myself, find a beauty in the darkness. As being something to fear, or avoid. This makes it abit hard for someone such as myself to co-mingle with general society because they have a predetermined mindset towards me because of my appearance or choices. Well I truely try not to be a rock and lock out everyone else, I have too strong of a family for that to ever last long because they'll just pry their way in(Not that I mind). I wish people would try to avoid the outside appearance until they understand the inside. I look this way not because I'm trying to be something I'm not. I'm not trying to look dark to fit into a clique or group, or because I think I'm some sort of demon and just want to scare children. I'm me ^__^

Monday, October 6, 2008


Some days man... I dunno really. Just am experiencing some rather frightening things at the moment. Not bad frightening, actually quite good. But just a pouring of emotions and feelings I've never felt before and to be honest its driving me quite literally insane. But I wouldnt trade this for anything in the world.

Note to any family members who are reading this, please dont ask me to explain it or anything. I wont. Its nothing to be concerned about by any means, just something I need to deal with myself

Anywho, I feel like the big man up stairs is kicking me in the face for some of the things I've thought and believed in my life. And maybe this isnt the case, but it sure feels like it and it feels like he's trying to draw me closer to him with this. A revelation I've waited almost 19 years for.

I've always been told by my mother and sisters that I'll make some girl so happy when I get older. Yes they told me this when I was no older than 10 but it still stuck with me. This statement has come little since then but I think if they thought I wasnt doing a good job they would tell me. Oh well. But apparently they are right, either that or I truely am dreaming.

They say perfection doesnt exist. but what if we look at perfection in a different aspect? What if we look at perfection as nothing more than a human opinion where its validity is only as strong as the persons emotion on this subject. Wouldnt that mean that perfection could very well exist? Take the people on tv for instance(yes i know its not real). If they truely love eachother as much as they are portrayed that they do, wouldnt that mean that in their eyes, the other is perfect? I know, abit of an odd and hard to keep up with kind of tangent but it is more important than you can imagine.

"I do not believe that God plays dice" This is what Albert Einstein said. Now to be honest he was speaking of quantum mechanics and its absurdity in general but this quote goes far beyond any abstract scientific idea. This means that everything and everyone and every event that has, is, or will ever happen is done for a specific purpose. That all we must do is ask him to guide us and show us and he shall do it when he sees fit. Most people would have a hard time with this idea, and thats understandable. Who wouldnt want to think they have full control over their futures? Well it is true, God works in mysterious ways, and is the greatest gift giver of all. Thank you for what you've given me, thank you for bringing this to me after such a long time of patience and learning.

Another odd tangent, but it too is very important. I apologize that i speak in riddles, but read enough of what i have to say and it shall all become very clear ^_^

On a lighter note, here is a sequence of numbers. give me the next two numbers in the sequence :)


Have fun, if you want the solution message me at

Jesse G

This weekend (Wo Bist Du?)

What a weekend it has been....This is my first blog post on here so i'll try to keep it simple.

First note, anytime i put a weird part in the post name. Thats probably the title of a song I was listening to when I wrote the blog. Might help you to understand if you do the same ^_^

Ehhh. What a day....Weird feelings right now. Kinda feel like I'm being torn apart from the inside. It happens though, just hasnt happened in a long time so I've forgotten how to deal with it. Atleast partially, I'm not freaking out or having anxiety attacks or anything so I think I'm doing pretty good. Ya know, for so many people in the world who really just need to crawl into a cave and die, there seems to be a decent amount of truely good people in this world. Its all a matter of weeding them out of the others, and that is the difficult part.

I dont know, maybe its just that I havent slept very well in the last few days and am beginning to think I'm developing insomnia. Guess thats college life for some people? I heard an interesting statement today, "For every good thing in the world there is something that is bad". Thats pretty deep if you ask me, which just goes to prove the idea of a balance in all things, an equilibrium. And also goes to support the idea of a Dualitive existance. For every thing, there is its polar opposite.

But here's an interesting question, what happens when those polar opposites meet? Well in magnetism they generally attract eachother, in quantum mechanics they destroy eachother and release energy. This also supports the dualitive theorem. Anywho, onto a different topic for you readers who arent very....Scientifically accelerated :) .....I'd prefer to keep the true meaning hidden and allow you to infer it for yourself, so the next part may sound abit odd but try to relate it to me and how I would think about things.

We always see in the movies, that for some unforseen reason or circumstance, things work themselves out in such a way that benefits one life. Well why is it that they dont take into considerations that a persons actions can effect this? Probably because it wouldnt be as flashy or glamorous, atleast thats my opinion. But what if that situation did occur in real life? wouldnt that logically mean that a persons actions make no difference on the situation? Yes if a person went out and purposely destroyed this situation to see if it would effect it, they would probably lose the opportunity.

But if they did their absolute best to continue being themselves, fighting the overwhelming emotions that occured, wouldnt the outcome be the same? I would suspect so, but then again people and society and the human mind is a very illogical device, and it seems to grow more and more irrational as time passes. Again, this may just be my opinion.

But I feel a little better now, although I must admit I am abit tired. I guess I shall make due, its monday and im off all night :)