Well I will be honest, I am not sure what to write here. But my mind is telling me that I need to write something, so I suppose I'll just let the thoughts flow.
Sleeping. Sleeping is an awesome thing, and something I enjoy doing when I can do it. But when your mind and body will not allow you to sleep, it becomes more of a reward than it is something you 'have' to do. Last week I was prescribed medication that, in usage nowadays, is specifically used for treating chronic insomniatic condition. What this means, is basically that I cannot sleep. And this medication is supposed to help. Isnt a medication that is designed to help you, supposed to work? Well logically I would say yes, simply because of the fact that it wouldnt be around if it wasnt supposed to work. But I must be a rare case to the situation, as the medication, Trazodone HCl, has only worked a few times out of the total number of times I have used it.
Faith. Alot of the things that have happened in the last few weeks have been real tests of my faith. Not only my faith in God, but my faith in myself. It is easy to read too far into something, and misconstrue or mislead yourself into believing something that may or may not be true. But being reminded to have faith in Gods plan has really helped draw me closer to him. It takes alot of strength to have faith that you will recieve what you have earned.
People. People in general not only irritate me, but confuse me to no end. In general, people are selfish, corrupt, materialistic beings that desire only self fulfillment and satisfaction. But I must say it is quite amazing, and rare, to find one who is truely a 'real' person. A person who not only cares about themselves, but cares about others. And not necissarily 'everyone', but atleast a single person who they care about as much as themselves. What a gift it is to have met such a person, and what an eye opening experience it is to come to find out I've known this person for quite some time. <3
And this last part is more of a 'request' than anything. God, please show me the path you want me to walk. Show me the purpose of my existence. Guide me to the one who I can give my heart to, and who will accept it as a gift, not as a curse. Someone who can look at me as more than just a 'friend' or a 'shoulder to cry on'. I know it may take my entire life to find that person, and I know that it will require an immense amount of patience. But I am ready. You've given me the patience to come to see that the place I am in is not so bad. You've given me the strength to move past a rather tough relationship. You've given me the eyes to see the important things in my life. You've given me the knowledge to know and see who I need to focus my efforts on. And even though those efforts may be in vain, I know that it wouldnt have come to the way that it is now, if there was no purpose in it. Is this my gift for paying into Karma? Is this my guiding light to the one I am to spend my life with? Or is this simply another life lesson I am to learn? I wait for the answers to all of this.
Abit odd post I know, but a good way to vent thoughts.